More people than you may believe have gender identity issues.
The roots for this confusion/ curiosity/ maladjustment may lie in a bipolar relationship with one of the parents.
If a mother treats her boy like a girl, walking naked around the house, showing off her feminity without being concerned of her child’s reaction, a boy can develop mixed feelings regarding his own sexuality.
Abuse by an older teenager or member of the family can set up the path towards gender identity confusion.
Physical inadequacies – poor masculine endowment for boys and lack of feminity for girls, rejection they get regarding their main physical sex role, may push them as well into exploring the other side.
A poor attachment mechanism to parents – one that translates love through guilt, shame, being humiliated or abuse will set up the individual on a later path of looking specifically for these emotions in his future relationships. Homosexuality can gather all these feelings.
Some myths about homosexuality:
1. You were born gay and you should accept this. Not true. Science doesn’t have yet a clear verdict. Homosexuality can be both inborn and/or socially induced.
2. If you are attracted to the same sex you disobey God and attract his anger. Conflict between religion/spirituality and a deep reality of your life – sexuality, can intensify guilt and shame pushing thus deeper into inadequate ways of punishing oneself.
You need to clean up your spiritual values, otherwise you will always live in shame and guilt.
3. Coming out of the closet is the best way to adjust to society. Wrong. Society is a construct that will never accept things that threatens her orthodoxy and stability. Control of sexuality and it’s myths is one of its main ways of existence.
4. Motivation is the only thing you need in order to free yourself from homosexuality. Wrong again. Sometimes the effort to inhibit your homosexuality can take up your whole life and still not be fulfilled with the result.
5. Homosexuality can be waved away if you deal with past traumas. True, past traumas has to be dealt with in order to invest your whole energy in present and future satisfaction seeking. Past traumas though are not the sole responsible for gender identity issues.
And even if you identify in the past the reasons for your sexual identity crisis, that doesn’t mean it will resolve them anyway. The past cannot be changed. It can only be forgiven.
Living with the confusion of not knowing where you belong, what you like and ultimately, who you are, can generate depression, anxiety, suicide and self-mutilation.
Find a therapist who is specialized in these issues, confess your confusions, fears and inadequacies. Sexuality is one of the main engines of your personality, intertwined with mind and emotion in an inseparable way.
Don’t wait for support from sources who cannot be neutral. Seek counseling from a professional who can lead you on the path of self discovery, of healing, transition and ultimately, of becoming the best version of yourself, free of guilt and shame, adjusted to only being yourself.