Every relationship is a subtle negotiation of forces, of domination versus submission, of alternating roles. The mistakes men do in relationships are the results of social paradigms, of inherited family patterns, of the incapacity to separate himself from the feminine roles he witnessed in his family, of his fears and personal complexes, of the traumas from previous relationships. And of the fact the they simply don’t get it, they don’ know, nobody told them. Until now.
Man’s mistakes in a love relationship:
1. He wants to be himself and only himself, he cannot get over his narcissism. He is attached to his inborn animal side, to his needs as an eternal child in search for a mother, to his incapacity to take any critic, to his immature need of being lied that he is the first, the best, the most potent one.
2. He doesn’t understand that man and woman are two very different entities. That the woman needs words, tenderness, touches that are not imperatively sexual. That the woman needs to be lied beautifully once in a while, even if she is aware of it.
3. He denies the different roles man and woman play, he has utopian expectations of equality. Man and woman are not equal. The fact that a woman can drive a car as good as a man is an exception. Or that a man knows as many words as a woman, is an exception as well.
Man and woman have different abilities. Don’t ask for the woman to be excessively rational, she is first of all an emotional being. If she were to be that rational, probably she wouldn’t have fallen for you in the first place.
4. He asks the woman to fulfill all the possible roles: mother, sister, lover, friend, wife. If the man fulfills the complementary roles of the above, then his requests are justified. A relationship involves always a request and an offer. Give more if you want more. Give everything if you ask for everything.
5. He is not discreet enough in case he cheats on his partner, not insuring the secret of his (one time) mistake. Thus he insults her twice, not only her womanhood but her intelligence as well. The woman has unlimited resources for forgiving if you know to admit your mistakes, if you know how to compensate for your mistakes, if you know to change yourself enough for her to keep the hope.
6. He tries to control his partner through pathological jealousy. A bit of jealousy is always welcomed, but the exaggeration of it will push her away. The best way to generate exclusivity in your partner is to give her everything, to fulfill all of her needs. To offer her both certainty and uncertainty, to give both love and passion, to be both dominant and submissive, to offer her freedom as well as control, to make her feel divinity as well as instincts.
7. He forgets what a mental orgasm he can induce in a woman with some flowers or little gifts given without a particular reason, just for another day spent together. The woman is an entity who permanently needs to feel protected, supported, to feel that her man is by her side. It’s a genetic given, don’t fight against it anymore, it’s not the material investment that matters necessarily, but the emotional one, in order for her to feel that you understand her enough to accept these irrational, yet easy to fulfill needs.
8. He considers that the woman has to take care of the household only by herself. If he cannot help her with the daily chores, he is welcomed to hire some help for her. The woman cannot be a jewel of creation if she doesn’t have time and resources to take care of her. The prosaic of the daily routine is not allowing her to take care of her as she wants to. These little misunderstandings, which are part of the living together, can impact tremendously the emotional and sexual chemistry of the partners.
9. He considers himself too much of a man to cry when he feels like, to show himself vulnerable when he really is, to ask for help or advice when he can get it. The beauty of a relationship comes from alternating the 2 roles – power and vulnerability.
10-16.He is not rational enough the moment he is tempted and he gives in to his sexual instincts and he cheats on his partner. Few moments of pleasure are not worth the risk of losing a beautiful relationship.
17. He underestimates the woman. She is capable of reading emotions much better than a man does. She will know when she is being lied to, when he admires another woman, when he cheats on her, when he is absent from relationship.
18. He tries to control financially the woman. When he thinks he can buy her or humiliate her with his resources. Eventually the woman will pay him back all the pettiness he’s done.
19. He tries to put a limit on the woman’s development, he does not support her plans, he’s afraid of her forces, afraid that she may have a higher social or financial status than him.
The worst advice that can be given to someone is “just simply be yourself”. Wrong. Always be better, always be more than who you are. Be your ideal self, the one that you imagine that you are but you are not in reality. Be better, more courteous, more generous, show more tenderness, more creativity, be more of a man.
Love is in essence a shared madness and our addiction to love is only the expression of our need for irrationality expressed through the defeat of our survival instinct in order to make happy another being. You can choose, as many others, the comfort of a safe relationship, steady, void of passion, but safe.
Not forever though. You will want to feel alive, you will want to live with passion, you will want to defeat the ephemeral with the illusion of eternity offered by a few moments of real love. And if you have found this kind of love, be smart and do everything to keep it.
….and 21st man’s mistake is when he does not read and does not apply the advices from this article 